Deep Emotion

Emotions to their furthest degree

I do not think those words properly describe the severity of the situation, with Bipolar symptoms that is.

Experiencing such deep sadness that slides my soul into the darkest places, places no one should go.
Then that same soul being launched into the stars above the world so happy I can barely see anyone else.
Only to fall into a rage that terrifies me right through my bones, which sends
my spirit right down to the deepest darkest place, where my soul will soon be joining it again.

I do not think words will ever properly describe our emotions.
Do you feel your symptoms take your emotions to another degree?




tags
[Bipolar Disorder]
[Bipolar Symptoms]

Medication, Medication.

I am not medicated.
I am not medicated in the sense that so many may think. I do not walk around in a drugged stupor. I do not feel tired, sleepy or "dopey". I can talk to people without them knowing I am taking five medications. That is right I take five medications
and just recently I have never been so thankful for my cocktail of five.

Recently I have experienced enormous losses in my life. Two family deaths in two weeks time. As people we all process losses differently. As mothers, it seems we also do on behalf of our children.

Historically speaking, events weighing less than these have triggered mania and then deep depression. For the first time in a long time I was able to process tragedy with out triggering perpetual crisis in my life.

If it were not for my medications I may not have made it through these most recent losses. I seemed to have stopped the perpetual crisis.

Technically, if I have to I will say it, I am medicated.
Thank God.
People are mistaken to think these medications would be the culprit of me feeling one tiny bit less. My emotions a raw with sadness, only those who have experienced this kind of loss know the emptiness.


tags
[Bipolar Disorder]
[Bipolar Medication]

Rage Instigators

Buttons, and Those That Know How to Push Them

Triggers, various things, people, circumstances or emotions are what I write of often, and how important it is to be aware of them and avoid them if and all possible.

Unfortunately, in the world of relationships- whether they be love by marriage or by parent or by child- a trigger may be forced upon you. Unfortunately, this might be a deliberate act of your loved one or not.

Love means are heart, soul, and spirit is involved. Feeling emotions related to all three of our innermost being in the most extreme way is cause for warning, and possible dangerous territory.

If the emotion triggered is positive this can be an awesome feeling, as long as it lasts without repercussions.

If the emotion triggered is negative, especially if this was a button pushed intentionally (because those that love us know us the best and vice versa) this is when all of the tools we have learned are truly put to the test. Can we withstand being pushed onto the roller coaster, when we were in a fair state of mind? Can we withstand the rage when someone pushes a button that touches our innermost soul?

These are the times, when we have been well, that we are truly tested.
What does it take to walk away, avoid the rage, say no to the slippery slope on to the roller coaster ride?

Often, walking away is not an option in these "button pusher" situations. As a mother of two children the often the only option is slide right by that slope while staying right where I am. Right where all the button's are being pushed.

The medication, does not do it all for us.
This is when I find I must be my strongest.



tags
[Bipolar Disorder]
[Bipolar Triggers]
[Bipolar Rage]

Bipolar Grandiosity

Delusions of Grandeur

Bipolar grandiosity symptoms are not always extreme as sex, travel, or money. It is not feeling like I am Jesus, Mary, or Joseph, either. Grandiosity can be how I feel about myself, my ideas, everything I do. Insecurity turns to over-confidence. This confidence can cross over from my feelings about myself physically all the way to how intelligent and bright I am.

In part of being aware of symptoms, I have to stop myself at times and go "Is this really a good idea?" "Would this really be interesting?" "Am I annoying or entertaining people?" In the moment anything and everything are so interesting, but only until the wheel of ideas spins so quickly to the next.



tags
[Bipolar Disorder]
[Bipolar Grandiosity]