Being Bipolar or a Bipolar Being

At the suggestion of Jon, this is sort of a follow up to my post Bipolar Advice; Where to Keep the Grains of Salt.
After reading a recent post on Jane and Cat's Blog, regarding genetics and the nature versus nurture issue as the cause of mental illness, it seemed sort of timely and on topic.

I feel that the reason I said there is a risk of getting desensitized to our natural instincts as to what we need, our bodies need, when we are about to experience a mood swing, etc. is because of the heavy reliance on multiple input.

This input and well intended guidance may come from doctors, therapists, friends, or even material we are researching on our own.

(wait-many years of therapy,etc. are telling me that I should use "I" statements. I do not know how you feel ;)

I believe Jane and Maggs point was that the input from those they trust, their friends is valuable and worthy. Interestingly, it seems that most often in the Bipolar community-especially online, an individual may be manic or depressed yet still be in a spot to offer support to a friend in need. Perhaps, as with many chronic illness', this is because of the deep empathy they hold.

I think my overload of information and guidance may come from self doubt. Historically speaking, the times in my life when I receive the most information, is when I am at low points; desperate down times.

When I am the most "Bipolar."
(Of course I am always Bipolar, it just feels that way.)

This is when the confusion arises, the multiple therapist appointments, the desperate desire for any piece of information to be well again.

When I am well again, the cycle has run it's course, I have tweaked my meds, whatever the case, the confusion of what to do and how to do it to make me well quickly subsides. I no longer look through the proverbial Bell Jar, if you will.
I no longer need constant advice. The "grains" of salt stop coming.

This has been a cycle for many years.
I know it is chemical.
I know the self-doubting, mercurial, rageful, stranger of a woman is not the real me.

I am not going to focus on who, what, why or where. I do not really do the go backwards to get forwards thing.
I just know my medication is working. That is good enough for me.
I realize I am very fortunate.

It never goes away, there are trials I have learned to deal with daily, just not the big episodes.
I am not saying it is a piece of cake.
(I have been hospitilized twice, once just this year. I try to look at it as another stepping stone and not a set back)

When I am doing really well, when things are working for me, the disappearing doubts put me right back in touch with my instincts.
I love this clarity.

I am still a "Bipolar Being", I always will be.
I am just not always "Being Bipolar".



REMINDER: The National Suicide Hotline to Shut Down

Suicide Hotline to Shut Down

UPDATE: The operators of this nation wide hotline have been given two additional weeks from the original August 12 date, prior to being shut down.

The 1-800-SUICIDE Hotline Set to Shut Down on Saturday August 12.

NAMI has asked members to spread the word.
Be sure to update any links you have.
Below is a copy of the email NAMI sent.


August 10, 2006

The nation's largest suicide hotline, 1-800-SUICIDE, is scheduled to go out of service this Saturday, August 12, 2006. There are currently negotiations in progress that may prevent this. However, in the event that these negotiations are not successful, NAMI is issuing this alert to raise public awareness of the alternative for those in need of help.

The alternative number for those in crisis is 1-800-273-TALK. This number will put callers in touch with the federally-funded National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a service that has been in operation since January, 2005. It functions as a central switchboard to immediately connect callers to virtually the same network of certified, local crisis centers accessed by 1-800-SUICIDE. So callers can receive counseling or emergency services, if needed, close to home.

All calls to the 1-800-273-TALK Lifeline are private and confidential. Confidentiality of personal information and of personal disclosures during calls is a high priority for the parties involved in operating the Lifeline.

The federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is working with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and the entire suicide prevention community to ensure that every call for help during a suicide crisis is answered. Some of the measures being put in place include:

Ensuring that the entire suicide-prevention community is working the phones and Internet to make sure that all referring agencies know that 1-800-273-TALK is the number to call for suicide intervention.
Notifying service providers, including directory 411 and 211 operators, that 1-800-SUICIDE is scheduled to go out of service beginning August 12, 2006 and to direct callers to 1-800-273-TALK for help.
Redirecting callers who call 1-800-SUICIDE to call 1-800-273-TALK through a recording.
As a part of this effort, NAMI will participate in a meeting with SAMHSA and its other partner groups on Friday afternoon, August 11, and we will issue an update afterwards if there is additional information to share.

NAMI urges you to help distribute this alert in your community. Together, we can ensure that every call for help is answered.

Thank you,

Michael J. Fitzpatrick, MSW
Executive Director
NAMI